1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Randomize
