another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
