Where did you get a picture of my penis
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
