Small penises have feelings too.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
