I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
