can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
