this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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