ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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