I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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