Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
