I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
