do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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