dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
