i think my mom watched the whole time
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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