i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The police scanner is talking about you again....
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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