I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
