when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
