what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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