yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
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How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
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We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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