I murdered the dance floor call the cops
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
