god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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Randomize
