Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
