You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
