once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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