Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
