You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
