Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
