great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I enjoy the company of your penis
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