for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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