I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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