Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I just googled if crying burns calories
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
