I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
