When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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