I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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