i'm signing you up for texting rehab
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
