Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
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You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
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Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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