You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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