now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
