This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
