A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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