Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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