brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
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