You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
