I hate your face
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
