What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
