singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
