Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
