Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
