i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Randomize
