When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
