its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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