im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
