The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I puked a lego.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
