Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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