So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
