this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
