from now on my penis is your penis
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
they're like a gay fantastic four
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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