I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize