i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
