Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
