apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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